We are drawn to likable people, the individuals who is ooze charisma and energy, and personality. But is it all about what they say? Actually, it’s not.
So often, life can seem complicated, full of barriers and limitations. But, as I’ve come to find, the things in life that can unlock your real potential are simple concepts that can be easy to put into action.
Becoming a more likable person is just the same.
Be More Present
- Put away your phone
- Actively listen
- Maintain eye contact
- Shut the hell up
By not doing anything, letting that other person talk, showing them that you are engaged with what they are saying, allows that other person to feel a connection to you. You get them, you want to be with them, and you care about their input.
But, our modern life and its ticks get in the way of this. Avoid the distraction of notifications by sticking your phone in your pocket, or in a bag.
For the outgoing person, the most difficult thing for us to do is to stop talking. It’s not because we like the lime-light, but because it’s our natural instinct to want to fill silences. But you need to keep in your mind that this other person needs their chance to talk.
Make Someone Talk
Some people are not used to their opportunity to talk, or they feel their views and ideas are undervalued. So, as a person seeking better connections with people, it’s your job to coach these individuals into talking.
How do you do that?
Use open questions: why, how, what, when type questions. These are very difficult to answer with a yes / no response – unless this person really has difficultly with social norms.
Asking a person “what do you think about…”, “how did you do such and such”, “when was a time you…”, this gives the individual the opportunity to really talk.
Get Your Drill Out
But, if you really want to understand a person and their view on a topic, that initial line of questioning might not be enough. You need drill a little bit deeper, that where the meat of the topic is.
The deeper you go, the more the other person will feel you are interested in what they have to say.
Hook onto something they have said, a thought, a reason why they can’t do something: “why do you think that?”, “who says that?”, “when did you realise?”
And the amazing thing about drilling questions is that you can keep going further, and further, until you really find the pearl that is hidden deep inside.
Isn’t This Fake?
It’s true that some people would use these kinds of tactics to be a very fake person. But, with great power comes great responsibility. A false person will always be find out. So, be honest.
The reason you need to use these kinds of tactics is that, deep down, individuals want to be changed and influenced, and heard. So, isn’t it up to you to help facilitate that in the people you meet?
And, by following these techniques, they will to you being seen as a very likable person, increasing your opportunities to help more people, growing your level of influence.
Your level of success is dependent on the success of the people around you.
So, help others.
The Positive Pragmatist 